Hi, Reader -

Are you in the midst of graduations? We're already couple weeks into summer "break" and my kid is slogging through the classroom portion of driver's ed. Which makes me think a lot about how we decide that kids (or anyone) is ready for a certain level of responsibility. Everywhere I go, people ask when kids are ready for a phone. ​

Here are some criteria to use when making decisions about when kids are ready for the next level of access to tech--a first phone, a gaming platform, or a social app.

Noticing your child's level of social maturity, impulsivity and ability to keep track of things is crucial. If they need support to be ready, you can help by teaching them some basic phone etiquette and help them set some boundaries. For example, letting friends know, “I can’t respond to texts after 9 pm.” is helpful. Sharing these boundaries reduces worry about friends getting mad.

I am skeptical about any broad pronouncements about what age someone should be for tech access. A skills-focused approach makes more sense. And remember--you can get a kid a device but not grant 24/7 access. You can green light one app and not another. We need to be in a conversation with our kids about how and when to use specific devices and apps. It is absolutely "OK to delay," but at whatever age our kids are joining digital communities, they need mentorship. Simply waiting won't teach them how to interact in these spaces.
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Phone Bans

Is your school banning phones? I'd love to hear from you and your kids about how that feels. I've talked to some parents and kids who are very excited about phone-free schools and others who are concerned. If you are an educator at school considering or implementing a phone ban, I'd love to hear your thoughts, too.
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I don't have a rigid stance on this issue, but I do hope schools that are banning phones have involved students and parents in the conversation. And that schools who choose not to ban have communication norms for how/when/if students can use their personal devices during and after school. Phone bans do not replace teaching digital wellness!

One place I'd love to see a ban is the pickup line. We've mostly avoided having to collect our kid in a car by living close by, but the few times I've had to do the pickup line have always left me terrified for the parents and students who are on their phones.

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​Neurodiversity and Summer Screen Time

I just had a great conversation with Understood.org's podcast about summer screen time. Understood.org "provides resources and support so people who learn and think differently can thrive — in school, at work, and throughout life." Their Podcast "In It" is aimed at parents raising neuro-diverse kids, but my summer screen time tips can be relevant to many families.

We talked about

• How much is too much? Are kids' brains turning to mush? Is tech negatively impacting their mental health? Or are they just going to sit around and, like, eat chips and be on their phone all summer?
• What are we getting wrong when we worry about our kids and screen time?
• What if screens are your child's "special interest"?
• Summer sleep schedules
• How do you engage with your kid about their experiences to grow closer as a family?
• Helping kids be creators and not just consumers of tech and media.
• How social media can be tricky, and kids need mentorship.

You can listen to the whole episode here or wherever you get your podcasts.

Vacation planning in the digital age

As you plan your summer fun as a family, whether it is a road trip, a day at the beach or a long awaited flight to a faraway place, think about what your tech time will look like en route, and once you arrive. Will headphones be helpful in a shared hotel room? Will your kid need to plan to take a break from the group chat? If you have teens who can do their own thing, do they want to research options before you go? Will they be allowed to skip some family activities to sleep in? These are good conversations to have BEFORE you go.

My only other travel advice at the moment is: If you happen to be heading to upstate NY and (especially) if you played video games as a kid and want to share classics with your family, do NOT miss out on the Strong Museum of Play in Rochester, New York. We spent three hours there, but it could have been six. Upstairs, the museum had three large exhibition halls with playable video games from the early days until now, indie games I'd never played and so much fascinating history. There was also a lovely display of board games and toys that my father and my son enjoyed discussing, including some of the exact erector sets my dad played with, and a the exact Dungeons and Dragons box set that my husband remembered owning. Truly a great experience for everyone to engage with what has and hasn't changed in the culture of games and play. I loved Tetris as much as I ever did, but Pac-Man did not hold up. But the sounds from Pac-Man did release a flood of memories

2023-2024 was a very fun school year/book tour for me and I look forward to continuing to engage with communities everywhere. Thank you for coming out to see me speak, for purchasing Growing Up in Public, using the discussion guide, and reviewing the book and telling your friends about it! Online reviews and ratings really help authors get the chance to write another book, so if you have Growing Up in Public and can take a moment to "rate" it, I'd be grateful!

Last summer at this time, I was recording the audio book. If you want me in your ears on your road trip this summer, please give it a listen!

Wishing you a great start to summer! I'll be hitting the road quite a bit this fall and winter and look forward to my time in Maine, Houston, Washington DC, Boulder, Reno and more.

warm wishes,
Devorah
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PS: If you want to chat about working together, you can respond to this email and we can make a time to chat.

1013 Wesley Ave, Evanston, IL 60202
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